Looking up!

Things are finally starting to look up for me. I don't know why, I think maybe my brain knows what's good for me know. haha. It's raining pretty hard. I just went to the store, theres a girl there who has to walk home! I feel so bad. I think my good deed for today may just be driving someone home simply because I am lucky enough to have a car and I know it sucks wlaking home in pouring rain. I don't really have much else to say right now because I'm about to leave.
I just wanted to say that I am happy. Truly and finally!

Depressed Day

I am so sad today. I hate my life. Nothing has turned out the way I thought it would. I still have no job. And I don't go to school. I don't even know if I want to be with my husband. He just turns me through so many loops, makes me go through so much. I mean first he says he wants time apart and the next week (literally) he wants a baby. Now he wants me to quit smoking and took all the cigarettes yet he will still smoke. Its not fair!!! I hate being here all day. I hate my life. I want to leave it all behind and start a new one. Maybe everyone was right and I shouldn't have got married.

Hmm

I need to quit smoking. I don't really want to but I feel like I need to. I smoke too much. I think it's affecting my neck/ throat. I have had a swollen gland in my neck for over a month now. Maybe I should be worried? I don't know but that is why I need to quit. To be honest, I am kind of dreading it. I feel bad about it, but when I don't have a cigarette, I get very irritable and grumpy. I don't mean to, it just kind of happens. But anyway..
So I want a baby. But I'm still worried. I just don't know. Hmm.

New Beginnings and Babies

So girls weekend was a blast. I ended up staying friday and saturday night. While I was gone, my hubby realized that he DID want to make it work. Amazing day sunday with him filled with of course great sex and also many laughs. It was wonderful. But then he told me that he wanted to have a baby. I LOVE children and have always wanted them, but I was confused by his tactics LOL. I mean, a week ago he was saying that he wasn't sure if he still wanted me, and now he wants a baby! So I asked him about it. He said that he just wanted me to realize some things and get our relationship right before we had a baby. He said he was desperate. Okay.. but it is still confusing!
Anyway. So I really want a baby, But I'm concerned. Do we have enough money? Will I be able to get a suitable part-time job? Can we get a bigger place in time? What about the car?
I feel like we have a laundry list of things to take care of before we can even think about having a child. This is only because I want my baby to grow up in the best environment we can give it, and also I'm scared that if we had the child first, it would be a lot harder to get those things that we need first.
I feel like it's the responsible thing. But who knows..