Ups and Downs

I just started to pack up some things. It feels strangly invigorating and free-ing. I've got 2 suitcases packed just in case, but I'm on a roll! I feel like I could pack everything today. It feels good. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me! But I don't need to waste my time feeling sorry for myself. I need to do shit that makes me feel good and right now, it's packing my things. He may not remember why he loves me. He might not want me. But I sure as hell hope that he misses me. Selfish? Maybe. But you know what, i at least deserve to be sometimes. And I never am. It's always for him. I never put myself first so maybe it is time that I do. I'm starting to realize that I CAN live without him if that is how things have to be. I'm a strong woman when I need to be. With nobody to talk to about this, I thought it would drive me crazy with all these thoughts of leaving, but now I am at least okay. And right now, that's all I can be.